CHEATING has been described as “an immoral way of achieving a goal”;
“A synonym of infidelity used to describe adultery by a woman or man…” (Wikipedia).
The general perception is that men are usually the cheaters. They are the ones who would have a wife and children at home and still set up a pseudo home with another woman not his wife. They employ many tricks to hide this fact from their legal partners and go on enjoying the “best of two worlds” as long as they are not caught!
Wait! what if that is not always true?
Women are known to cheat too and have become very clever at it! (some often disguising themselves to avoid detection when they go on their rendezvous).
I asked a married friend of mine who requested that I provide an alibi for her in case her husband calls to ask if she’s been visiting me at the time, why?
First she tried to bluff it off by saying” what’s good for the goose is good for the gander. Why should my husband get away with cheating and I can’t?”
I asked if she knew her husband was cheating?
That’s when she broke down in tears and proceeded to give me a long list of what was “wrong” with her marriage.
1. My husband does not seem to love me any more! When we were courting he used to buy me chocolates and flowers on my birthday but do you know he forgot my birthday two years ago?
Yes he forgot!”
I reminded her that she was not the same person she was when they were courting and priorities change. They now have kids who they are working hard to put in good schools and give good upbringing!
2. He no longer gives me a monthly allowance to spend on myself and well- ” my boyfriend spoils me and gives me a generous weekly allowance.”
I asked if that “generous allowance” was worth breaking up her marriage for?
The arguments went on for a while until she broke down in tears and said she was cheating because her marriage was boring “and I hate to say this, but the sex is boring and he can’t seem to get it up anymore!”
I let her cry for a bit and after she got a grip of herself I asked her to make a decision whether she was going to go back home and try and make her marriage work or not.
We went through a list of all the good things her husband does- pay the house rent; pay the kids school fees etc.
I asked her what her contributions were to the marriage. She stammered “.. well, I cook and clean the house, bathe the kids and get them ready for school, and I have sex when he wants it…”
Moving forward, I advised her to weigh the pros and cons of her marriage breaking up if he husband found out about her cheating.
She finally agreed that it was not worth the pain she would inflict on her family especially the children and promised to discuss” the issue with my boyfriend”!
The nerve! I told her to drop him like a hot potato and go home and be a good wife and mother to her husband and kids and sin no more!
“Just because you are single, you do not understand what some of us married women go through..”
I told her it’s true I may not understand but I do understand how cheating can destroy relationships and sow seeds of Distrust hard to forgive or forget!
“The choice is yours” I reminded her.